white noise
wednesday, oct. 03, 2007, 9:13 pm

i'm lying on this bed, tubes running through my arms like veins strung up to this palpitating lump that's been sitting, wasting, too long in my chest and i breathe watch the ceiling spin while the fans remain still and i can hear the static in my head. i spread my lips prepare to scream and then i find my hands over my lips smothering me and the sounds that escape between my teeth.
and then my hand is bleeding and i have my teeth sunk into my fingers and there's this bitter on my tongue i'm dying to scrub away but i know it'll stay like how the sticky don't come off my hands when i wash them over and they stare at me, laughing at my inability and i'll just cry, because i never really tried hard enough.

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