and when i think back on it, i doubt i ever loved anyone.
like you know you have a heart, and you have to use it, and so you do.. but you don't know for sure if you've ever loved.
and if i ever loved anyone, its scary.. because i think i've forgotten.
then sometimes, i think maybe why i deny god is because i'm afraid. i'm scared. that if i let him in, then i'll have no one to blame for all the pain. for all this madness. for this world.
because its only right that god doesn't exist that's why i do.
and i never liked the phrase 'i think', my life has always been about definites. lately its changed and i'm not sure i like it. or if i should.
really, honestly, could you ever love me the way i could never love myself?

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